Hopefully,

Blog about tonight some other day.

Spent the night out with ga, first time since last december lol. Cheered me up quite abit, thanks man, but she doesn't suck la really. And now i understand i'm not caring really, i'm really just being possesive, expecting her to still listen or do things for me. Even when you treated me like...I guess its still not right for me to get angry at you, to rant about you, after all You are not my gf. You don't even deserve to be treated like this even if you are my gf.. You've been through so much for me, how can i still have the heart to rant about you man. You are a fucking jerk tanyi. I said i've changed, but deep inside i'm still the same. I'm still a selfish person. You do understand me girl, its just me that do unpredictable things for no particular reasons. Sorry i kept giving empty promises. I should never had ranted about you.. Sorry for that too

I guess it was a wrong decision ba, i don't deserve you. What have i done to actually deserve you. Up till now i still have no idea. I have nothing to regret when being with you, my only regret is dumping you. Kept asking people to cherish what they have, but i never did. Thought too highly of myself when you were the one providing everything for me. 24/7 gf that was always there for me and taking most of the crap from me. Looking back tonight, i realise everything i complained about, most of it weren't mistakes you have made, but me being possesive, crap i'm sorry i made a great girl like you suffer so much.

It hurts to look back at the things we have done together and the things you have done for me.. All the fun you provided me with, when i never gave anything back to you. I can't think of anything nice that i have done for you. People ask me to forget about you and move on, maybe you have moved on, but it is not easy for me... I shared so many of my first-times with you, been to so many places with you. All the great memories you left for me, its not easy man. Ask ga..i was retracing eveything we did together most of the time when we went out today.. Never had my hand felt so cold, never had i felt so empty, strolling around aimlessly. Never had i felt i missed you so bad and i want you back in my arms.

Why did you have to treat me so nice when i treated you like shit girl... Why did you have to be so nice to me.. Why didn't i appreciate it then.. Why must i always realise only after i've lost someone who was already part of life..
My mum misses you girl, she really does. Do come and visit someday. You left such a deep mark its hard to erase. You'll always be part of my life, i won't ever be able to forget you. I'm sorry i assumed. Now don't let this affect your studies, don't get retained. I got the job for you..i don't mind if i lose it now, cause i find the dough meaningless if its isn't spent on someone who matters alot to me (you). Goodnight girl. Goodnight world. If only i learnt to appreciate